Written for this week's [livejournal.com profile] contrelamontre challenge: Write a fic that includes the following: something blue, the number three, a shoe, and a bell. You have 60 minutes.

Title: Things to Do in the Middle of the Night on a Roof
Rating: PG
Fandom: Stargate/Stargate Atlantis
Pairing: McKay/O'Neill
Summary: Sam and Daniel promise that General O'Neill won't catch them on his roof in the middle of the night.
Words: 1441
Author's Notes: Unbeta'ed. Please tell me if you see any tenses that should be fixed.

So, I started reading this McKay/O'Neill story (though I've only read the first chapter so far) and the pairing kind of stuck in my head. I've only seen a few episodes of SG-1 but today I watched the very first couple of eps, and Jack kinda grew on me some more. I'm hoping this isn't too OOC, since this is set somewhere around SGA season 2. This sort of really wrote itself which is unusual enough to warrant posting even though I'm kinda nervous.


Sam and Daniel promise that General O'Neill ("Jack" to Sam and Daniel, "General" to Rodney) won't catch them on his roof in the middle of the night. Rodney would see the obvious absurdity of this idea if he were not quite so, well, sloshed as he is at the moment. Actually, he does see it, but his massive blood alcohol level has deteriorated his sense to the point that the idea of getting caught by a tired, cranky general seems more funny than, oh, say, threatening?

Now that he is face to face with a tired, cranky general, the threat part is starting to come back. Tired, cranky colonels are hard enough to deal with - he's had his head bitten off more than once or twice by one or two of them, just because he ventured an opinion or a bit of advice about say, not flirting with the alien girl whose father/brother/fiance is looking kind of protective and has a knife conveniently in reach, or, for example, not blowing the entire world to kingdom come by doing something profoundly stupid with a stargate.

Anyway, General O'Neill is looking particularly dour tonight, but fortunately, he's only dour from the tip of his nose up, because this is all Rodney can see of him peaking over the roof and this -- this is very, very funny.

He giggles. The creases in the general's brow deepen further. It makes him look a little like a... bloodhound? Is that what they're called? The dogs with the wrinkles. Yes. Not that the General is wrinkly, at least not in an unattractive way.

"Why is there a scientist on my roof?" O'Neill says. "And why do I have the sneaking suspicion there are two other scientists involved in getting you up here?"

"Hi General," Rodney says brightly. It's important to greet people, especially people whose roofs you're sitting on, especially in the middle of the night. He's Canadian. He knows how to be polite. He knows he's not always polite, but it's okay because... because he's not usually on roofs in the middle of the night. So, that's okay.

The general comes another rung up the ladder he's standing on and peers over the roof.

"Where are Sam and Daniel?"

"Oh, they um... went to..." Rodney tries to remember where. He can't think very well right now. It's probably all the vodka he drank. Or that he's hungry, that always makes him not think very well. He remembers telling Daniel he was hungry and Daniel said... oh yeah! "They went to get pizza!" Rodney finishes triumphantly.

That was right. They'd left him on the roof to go and get pizza and bring it back, so they could eat it on the roof. Because it was pretty up here and Rodney didn't want to get down and also, he'd untied his shoes because they were too tight and then one had fallen off and landed on the ground. Daniel had tried to throw it up to him but he kept missing, and hitting the house until Sam said they'd bring it up when they came back.

"Uh huh," General O'Neill says.

Now that he thinks about it, that was probably what woke up the General.

"Is there any particular reason you chose my roof for your midnight pizza-eating escapade?" asks the general.

Rodney gives him a look like he's an idiot. "It has a ladder."

"Ah." Says the general. He seems disinclined to say much else and in the resulting silence Rodney realizes he hasn't invited the general to sit down and it must be getting tiresome standing on that ladder. So he does so.

General O'Neill gives him a wide-eyed look. "You're inviting me to sit down on my own roof? How generous of you."

Rodney snorts. Alcohol does nothing to hinder his snorting abilities, in fact he thinks it might even make them better. He wonders if the same can be said of his snapping abilities under the influence and tries snapping his fingers a few times to test it. Yep, fingers work better too. Or maybe they're just slippyerer. Slippery-er. Something like that.

O'Neill climbs up beside him (he did take the invitation after all, ha!) and then hands Rodney his shoe. Rodney sets it down beside him because he doesn't quite trust himself to put it on without dropping it over the edge again.

"How much have you had to drink, Dr. McKay?"

"Five shots of vodka to start off with," Rodney says with relish. The general looks a bit surprised. "Two rounds of tequila... or was it three?" It's hard to remember exactly how many after the vodka. Usually Rodney is very good with numbers, and he had been very good about counting the vodka but then he got confused when they started the tequila and it messed up his system. He did make sure that the bartender knew he absolutely would not -- and could not -- stand for any citrus in any of his drinks and that meant no one at the table would have any either because the risk of contamination or confusion of glasses was too high and also could he have a napkin, because he seemed to have spilled a little on his leg. Fortunately, by that time Daniel and Sam had drunk enough to be cooperative and not give him a hard time about the citrus and in fact, joined in telling the bartender, which pleased Rodney greatly, while making the bartender somewhat grumpy.

"And um, a couple of beers, I think." Rodney goes on. "Oh yeah, we tried the sake at one point too, but it wasn't very good. I think we've all been to Japan enough that we can just forget about that, except Carter hasn't, so we did it for her."

"Uh huh."

"Is that all you have to say?" Rodney asks the general. "If that's all you're going to say, you might as well have stayed inside and tried to go back to sleep."

So O'Neill tells him a story about one of the SG-1 off-world trips where Sam and Daniel had each gone off in separate directions and then proceeded to each call O'Neill to come NOW, RIGHT NOW to have a look because this was the most amazing thing ever. O'Neill had ignored them both (Rodney laughs at this, but he knows that if John ever tried to pull something like that, he'd string him up by the balls) and when they came back, it turned out they'd found the same thing, and both had seen the humor (Rodney laughs again at this, but he knows that if it was him and Zelenka, they would have been furious with each other for at least a half an hour before they started working on it together and discovered something else cool.)

After a while the five vodkas, one sake, two (or three?) tequilas, and however many beers (or maybe it was less and Rodney is just saying it was that many to try to impress the General) wear off some. Rodney has to climb down the ladder twice and go inside the house to pee -- he is not peeing over the edge of the roof no matter what O'Neill says -- but each time O'Neill stays up on the roof and doesn't even suggest going in to bed.

"Have you gotten Pegasus from here?" Rodney asks O'Neill at one point and is surprised at the enthusiasm his question generates. They spend a while trading off on the telescope, until Rodney is rubbing at his eyes. Pegasus is just a dull blue point from here, but looking at it he can almost smell the ocean and he's glad he gets to go back in a week. Though there are things he'll miss.

They reminisce for a while about going to star parties and the dumb questions people ask at them. O'Neill admits that he still goes to them sometimes because it amuses him to hear the kids talking about finding intelligent life, while they're just hoping intelligent life won't find them. Rodney almost completely embarrasses himself by asking if Sam and O'Neill had ever... But O'Neill takes it in stride, though when Rodney can't help himself and asks about Daniel, O'Neill just grins at him maniacally.

They don't actually make out very much, just a little before Rodney conks out for a couple hours with his head on Jack's chest. He wakes up to being shaken gently; the six o'clock bell is tolling. They're both pretty stiff, so they go inside and O'Neill offers him his shower and then actually makes him eggs which are so incredibly good and amazingly, he isn't even hung-over.

It's the best damn star-gazing Rodney thinks he's ever indulged in.

. . .

In my mind, Sam and Daniel noticed that Jack was all *rolling eyes* "Scientists!" about McKay and knew that really meant he had a little crush on him, and therefore engineered the whole thing.
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